The Last Day

It was a busy couple of days to finish everything up. Looking back, I see Aundrea closing the door to our home a last time. She has been living there almost six years, for me it was about three. Neither of us would have thought to stay here as long, but it seem to have just happened. There are always reasons.

I still remember my first night here. I came in late after a long flight, it was dark already. I was “welcomed to America” by my younger son. My littlest girl was already asleep, she was 6 back then, and when she woke up during the night and saw me, she started screaming. The next morning she of course couldn’t remember anymore and we walked to Safeway together.

Back then the island still had a smell for me. There was the strong feeling of humidity embracing you, when you leave the plane. A kind of salty sweetness touching your nose, heavy and dense. There is a breeze almost all the time, which alleviates the pressure. Once you peeled yourself out of the long pants and closed shoes you wear for the weather where ever in the world you came from, you finally really arrive. The island takes you over, slows you down. Stress doesn’t really exist here. At least not in the typical sense.
This is something which is happening on all the islands here in Hawaii. I have seen four of the eight main ones. They are all different in their own way. Oahu is beautiful, changing around every corner you drive and of course busy. Almost everything which is happening in the state is happening here. Big Island is literally big and feels empty. Driving the ring road you see a lot of crazy people and loneliness, the landscape still scared by the lava. Not really my place. Lanai – I only got to spend one day there – is exclusive. With its private ownership it is shielded from the development all the other island are undergoing. The Four Season is impressive in its exclusivity.

And then of course Maui, “my island”. In my perception is a good mix of all the other islands. Good places to explore, less speed than on Oahu, but real people living here.
Explaining life on Maui to outsiders can be a challenge. Not that I consider myself a local, or would there ever be for me the chance to be one, but I feel I’ve lived here long enough to have a realistic feeling about it. For people the first time coming here the reaction is almost always pure amazement on how beautiful it is. “I want to move here” is an instant reaction.

In one of my favorite books “Nothing but ghosts” there is a story about a tourist guide in Iceland who complains about visitors so often claiming they wish to relocate to the magical place they are visiting, but the never do. They hardly ever even come back for a visit. Hawaii is a little different, because quite a few people actually return, but living here is not as it seems. It is not vacation. It is expensive, it is same same every day and it is far away from the rest of the world. The weather is great and people are friendly. I still get awed when I see the ocean and the West Maui Mountains, but it is limiting. I miss aspiration here. So few people seem to want to achieve something. Maybe I envy them because they are content. But it seems naive to me. Most of them haven’t seen the outside world.

This is maybe the most difficult thing here for me. I miss the connection with people. I never have found a real group of friends I can relax with and share my interests. Maybe I just have met the wrong people, maybe I didn’t try hard enough. I’m not sure, but I’m ready to leave.

Aundrea once mentioned that she would love to love it here, but she simply doesn’t. We agree that is a good place, but our heart isn’t here and the there is no way around that.
It is a big step ahead of Aundrea and I. We have packed the few things we wanted to bring with us. We are ready to start building a new home. Especially those last couple of weeks where strenuous. Counting the days, basically everything was ready, but we couldn’t leave yet. It was not time yet. Stick to the plan.

We had a last farewell dinner with the people who we shared some path with during our time here, an official good bye. We photographed a wedding on Oahu just on the last weekend on the islands and I celebrated my birthday. I tried to breathe in as much of the island I was able to. Enjoy the beauty and the wonderful things here. I normally like the intensity of these kind of changes. It increased your awareness of your surroundings.
Now, Boston awaits us. The first weeks will be going by so fast. The kids are only arriving later, so we got some time to get everything in place so they have an easier arrival. To get a car should be relatively straight forward, and then of course we have to finally a place to stay. We came back for a couple of days in the beginning of May to get a better idea about which area fits the best. We have to combine our phantasies with realities and see what we can make work. Dreaming is exciting, the reality is sometimes scary especially when you still know so little. I’m sure however that we’ll find our way. Having Aundrea makes it so easy.

Now it is time. We get into the car and say our farewells one last time. As we drive around the corner there is a little pinch in my stomach. We are finally leaving.